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All things are within us...thats what I believe. And although I don't believe there is any way to cut an emotion out of us, there are ways to acknowledge and balance emotions inside us. Still, every now and again an unwanted emotion enters our conscious psyche. Today, that happened to me. A punch in the dark.
Amongst all the holiday spirit during this time of year,my powerful yet unwanted Inner Atheist reared its head. I can't say reared its ugly head without acknowledging that the Inner Spiritual Believer is the part of me feeling that way. The Inner Spiritual is so primary to me and distains the idea of non belief for me; it has a very clear judgement toward my own atheism. But, with our without permission from anyone or any subpersonality, my athiest paid me an unexpected visit and barged in to my conscious home. I was simply thinking how absolutely simplistic and yet magical a child's thinking pattern is. I thought, entertainingly, "How could a child actually believe in a Santa that knows all the Christmas wishes of all children, and can deliver all these toys to children in one evening on a airborn sled (that can fit all those toys), being pulled by flying reindeer? I was laughing to myself, lovingly musing and enjoying the idea, when suddenly I was assaulted by my Inner Athiest in such a powerful and logical way that it stole something from me, hopefully temporarily. It thought, "Why is this so amusing to you? Is a child believing in Santa really any different than a supposedly logical and intelligent adult thinking that God can hear every person's prayers at all times, answer them at will, and know our every thought and deed? Does that really sound possible or logical to you?". It thought, "is prayer any different than writing a letter to Santa...isn't it just like a child's wish list? How can Santa be everywhere at once, knowing if we've been naughty or nice? He can't be. How could God be everywhere at one time? That idea is as ridiculous as believing in Santa. How could adults understand that Santa does not exist, yet think that God does, when they both actually share similar functions...being everywhere, hearing our wishes, giving us our needs through a letter or a prayer". My Inner Athiest can hold its own. It made observant enough assessments that it caught hold of and clustered with my "Mind" subpersonality, which is also primary to me. Depletion hit me like a brick wall as my "Inner Spiritual" shriveled up inside me. The waves of the Athiest continue to come and go, and continue to knock me down at my shoreline. Beyond this, I know (from a place inside that is beyond thinking) that only Spirit exists. But for now, my Athiest and Believer are in an internal war. This has happened before to me, many times, but without quite such a blow. Still, I know that my Athiest is a real part of me, and I honor it, I need to hear what it has to offer me. It tells me to think for myself, and that if God existed He would not want me (personally) to believe, without question or personal input, the musings of organized religion or, on the other hand, ungrounded spiritual movements, and that is a big asset to my Inner Spiritual...to have thought out faith, not blind faith. So, I accept both voices. And I also know that an Ephipany will come in time, as powerful if not more than the current force of my Athiest. And at that time,the tide of the Athiest will again receed and the Spiritual will regain its place in my psyche. -One Woman's Thoughts/Balance Is The Path Please note that this is the intellectual property, worldwide, of One Woman's Thoughts/Balance Is The Path. No part or portion of this post can be reprinted in any way without the author's prior written permission and prior written approval. If this is reprinted with permission, this site must be sourced, acknowledged, and a link to this site/post must be provided.